I’ve always wanted to have children, though in my early twenties I would tell everyone I was definitely not interested. I was convinced that if I verbalised my longing, life’s cosmic cruelty wasn’t going to let it happen. In my late twenties I even contemplated going it alone as ‘Mr Right’ hadn’t materialised. Thankfully the right man did come along, who also wanted to have children, and most importantly wanted to have them with me.
Now that my two girls are here, I am so thankful. They are the light in a sometimes dark and depressing world. A knowing look, a smile and a casual hug can make a horrible day bearable. It’s also such a relief to focus on these two growing mysterious creatures rather than myself. To think that in my twenties I was so unbearably egotistical and self absorbed. I’m embarrassed to think of how I used to think and feel. It’s such a relief not to think about me all the time.
When I look at them it sometimes feels like my heart is about to break. The pain is so real and I’m amazed at how powerful my love is. I’m also scared of how vulnerable I’ve become. A mothers love knows no bounds but I don’t want to become too overbearing or anxious. I want them to feel my love but not to be stifled by it.
I love seeing them develop and mature. Each week brings something new and I love being able to participate or look on as they discover some new marvel, ability or viewpoint. The world can be an awe inspiring place when viewed through the eyes of your children.
Life won’t always be rosy, disappointments are unavoidable, but I always want them to know that I will be here for them. This is truly my life’s calling; to love, guide and support them. I am their champion and they will forever be my passion.
OK, I could be a little hormonal at the moment ☺️